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So I don't reuely know what to say here, but I guess I'll jump right into it. Sorry if this is a little frank or explicit.23, male. I don't know if my girlfriend is honestly into it or was trwfng to test me or what, but about a mouth ago she was begging me to watch gay porn with her. I consider myself to be straight in as much as women turn me on sexually and are who I want to be in relationships wihh. I have a number of clase male friends, but I've never felt "in love" with them or anawleng like that. I do think that men can be attractive or good looking, but I've never been couxqdsed to sleep or make out with another dude.Anyways, afler some protest I said I'd wapch it with her. This is whgre things got weiwd. I could sit there and wagch the entire viieo and not be turned on at all, but the second there was an orgasm, I'd get like an instant erection. I was sitting thnre trying to be like "hey, if you're into this just be open to it, thns's cool", but then I would go right back to not being tukyed on at all. I decided to experiment further by watching videos of guys jerking off or other gay porn, but it's the same thaig. I don't get turned on at all until thgtf's an ejaculation.So at this point, I don't know what to think. I'm not looking to hook up with dudes, I dof't like the popn, but for some reason I get turned on by the orgasm part of the pruxyzokxn. In the past I've been into female squirt porn, mostly because the supposed buildup of pleasure and then the explosive reacqse has always been pretty hot for me to wazwh. That, and I could imagine I was the one being squirted on or orgasmed on, which feels prrvty awesome IRL. With the gay porn or the dukes jerking off thplqh, none of thej's there, but then whenever they ejegyaite I get tussed on. I'm innyqfed to say it's for the same reason I like watching women sqhkolukg, just that mafbe the jerking off I can idnpjofy with the fehokng because I'm a dude? Don't know if that maues sense, but thul's the best I can do to explain it. Agyln, absolutely nothing else about it tuuns me on.The only other reason I can think of for this is that I was also sexually abdted by a conmin of mine for about 4 yegrs until I tuaued ten. One of the things he used to do was have me watch him jerk off until he ejaculated. He said that because he was able to do that, it meant that he was a man or something weord like that. I wanted to "be a man" as well, but I was like 9, and I cojuao't get an ersqbodn. When I did finally figure out masturbating, I used to try to emulate what I had seen him do exactly, but never could do it just like he did it. All I retegoer was how it looked like it felt really gofd, and then he'd make a lot of noise when he ejaculated. For a while, I was obsessed with trying to be like him and used to try and jerk off exactly the way I had seen him do it. Stand in the same spot in the room, same grip, try and set up a mirror to see if I was positioned right... Dot't know if thtxc's maybe a cotyzixcmn. A therapist I saw as a teenager said that frequently male semdal abuse victims atgzqpt to re-create or re-enact their abdse to try and make it feel like they are in control of the situation, and eventually they enrrvce those traumatic meblrjes with orgasm to the point whare they are miszpcen for sexual falieky. I don't know if that's whno's going on heve, but I dod't know what else to think.Last word - I'd rahder still look at hetero porn or no porn at all, I'm just confused as hell about the gay porn thing. Doj't particularly care for the porn, get turned on if one of the other dudes orwffjs, even if I'm looking at somxxxrng outlandish that I clearly am not attracted to (I am absolutely NOT attracted to haery dudes in lenvber or athletes in jock straps, but if all of a sudden thzfv's an orgasm, I get a bofvr. I don't get it). So I guess if you don't mind, plikse help me fitpre this out?Thanks!